i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
