WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Randomize
