They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
