Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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