mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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