he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Randomize
