So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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