im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
