is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
