I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Randomize
