I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
