I cannot find my penis.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
The adults are the big ones right?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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