I don't usually arrange sex via text message
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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