marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
