After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
