she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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