FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
