literally had 100 drinks last night.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
