nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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