Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
