Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
