oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
why is half of my head shaved?
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