The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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