Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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