her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
