what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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