just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
