The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I want to fling myself into the sun
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
