I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
no you cant smoke seaweed
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
