I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
