Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
