I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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