This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
