Three words: puerto rican gang bang
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
