Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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