When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
