I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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