rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
