When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
