Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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