I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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