Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
