miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
