My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
