Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
