I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
You ate ashes out of my bong
The Olympian is in my bed
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
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