And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
