Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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