Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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