The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
