everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
