At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
